As a Phoenix divorce attorney a common question I find people asking is “what can I avoid in a divorce procedure?” Although every divorce is unique and can be very complicated I put together a list of 10 (ten) helpful points that can be useful in general and can be applicable in almost every divorce case.
1. Always consider mediation
Surprisingly not many couples opt for mediation. I recommend that you at least consider choosing for mediation. This is a more sensible approach and you are able to control the process. This often speeds up the divorce process because only one mediator is involved and it is much more cost effective.
2. Do not delay your divorce procedure
Divorce procedures are directly connected to the hourly fee of professionals. This means if the spouses, the professionals or other parties delay the process the financial frustration of them grows each and every day and so does your bill. However, this usually also means that the gap between you and your partner can grow bigger, rapidly, which tends to make the procedure even more complicated.
3. Move forward with your life
If you do decide to divorce, it is very normal that you need time to digest and process what has just happened. Some take longer to do this than others, but in general, after a healthy grieving period it is time to move forward. Forgiving yourself and your partner is a healthy way to start moving forward with your future. Don’t look for sympathy and stay away from alcohol. These two combined is a lethal combination for a grieving spouse.
4. Try not to involve family and friends
It may sound illogical, and even counter intuitive, but your family, best friends or colleagues, really shouldn’t be your first choice of a counselor. Of course a divorce is an emotional time and it definitely feels safe and familiar to rely on your mother or best friend, but know that they will have strong opinions, and most likely will be biased. This can hinder the process to be neutral and thus productive. Again mediation is a good way to have neutral council and support in decision making.
5. Stay away from social media
Today more and more people share carelessly a lot of information on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms. It can be very seductive to share your divorce frustrations with family and friends. Don’t purposely attempt to upset the other party by “tagging” yourself with other men/women, parties or bars you have attended, or by making crude remarks. My advice is to stay off any social media account you may have until the divorce is final.
6. Do not talk about your new relationship
Sometimes it makes people feel better to speak about their new relationship… about how much better it is right now than it was in the past with your “soon to be ex”. These conversations are much more appropriate once the divorce proceeding is final.
7. Your lawyer can’t fix everything
You started this together and you have to finish this together. Your lawyer or mediator should only be a guide who leads you through the divorce procedure. You and your soon to be ex have to do the work and are the main characters. If your lawyer becomes the main character in your divorce procedure the process could be never ending. Stay focused on the main objective, getting through the process.
8. Avoid being selfish
According to an Old Dutch saying, people who can’t ‘divide’ (capital) are not able to ‘multiply’ either. This statement is true in divorce procedures. If both parties can find the will power to simply wish each other a brighter and better future then the end result will be both parties winning. In the beginning this will be difficult. However, it’s an inconvenient truth you must live with because ultimately it’s what has to happen to continue forward with your life.
9. Understand the context
It’s important to understand every decision and agreement made during a divorce procedure. Be certain you understand every word in the divorce agreement you will have to sign. It’s exactly here were a good lawyer or mediator can make the difference. Question your lawyer until you understand it completely. It is what you hire them for.
10. Do be cheap, it is expensive
Never forget a divorce is the final collaboration in your relationship before you go apart. Understand you will need each other for this one last time. Do not engage in new conflicts and avoid placing blame on the other person. Be mature and respectful; sometimes just have to bite your tongue. If you choose to express yourself do it calmly and make sure to wish each other a bright new future. Your last collaboration is your ticket to a positive new start so use it wisely.
At Enholm Law, PLLC, we take our clients seriously and realize that you are turning to us to help protect your rights and interests during this difficult process. Our staff, along with your Phoenix Divorce Lawyer, has been trained to provide you the personal and legal support you require at this time.
Call (602) 889-6273 today to arrange your initial free consultation with an Enholm Law, PLLC Phoenix Divorce Lawyer.